Dad & NathanIt's been a tough month. On March 5th, the day of my little guy's 3rd birthday, I found out that my dad had died. :( Here is the eulogy I wrote for his funeral which was on March 9, 2007. Given I didn't read it but just used it as a guide, it is not word for word what I said but it's pretty close.
I was going to share a bit with you about dad's passions. However Tanya (my sister) beat me to the punch. So I will share a bit with you about my dad's love for his family. First, I’d like to share a short poem with you.
Love Lives On
Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on,
and cherished memories never fade
because a loved one's gone.
Those we love can never be
more than a thought apart,
for as long as there is memory,
they'll live on in the heart.
If we have any country music fans here, you may know the Brad Paisley song, “He Didn’t Have to Be”. It’s a song from a little boys perspective about his wonderful step-father. The song says, “When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new it always ends up being more like a job interview. My mom used to wonder if she would ever met someone who wouldn't find out about me and turn around and run”. Being a single mom myself for the past 18 years I understand how special a young man in his 20’s is who will date a woman with three young children. When dad started dating my mom, she had three children, Johnny was 8 yrs old, I had just turned 5 and my brother Ken was only 8 months old. Dad not only didn’t turn around and run but he stepped up to the plate and became my daddy. He instantly became the father of three children.
I always thought of my dad any time I heard that song, "He Didn't Have to Be". Since the first time I ever heard that song, I wanted my dad to hear it. Last summer I finally played it for him when I went to visit him. He was in the backyard with his dogs and I told him he had to come to my car so that I could play him this special song. He came and leaned in my car window while listening to the song. I told him what that song meant to me. We hugged each other and he said, "That's a nice song" and then he went back to his dogs.
Dad urned to have more children. After being an amazing father to John, Ken and I for 4-5 yrs he was thrilled when his precious daughter, Tanya, was born. She become his little princess. I recall a time when Tanya was about four years old when she and dad were dancing around the kitchen. Well as much as dad could dance, you know that straight-legged dance, with Tanya standing on his feet. I remember them dancing around the kitchen like that and laughing and smiling. Dad wanted a son who would carry on the Nikolica name. He was proud as a peacock when my brother Dan was born.
Dad was always there for me, no matter what I needed. He was always the first person that I thought to call when I needed help with anything. I had my first son, Matthew, when I was still a high school student. When he wasn’t at work dad volunteered to babysit Matthew for me when needed. On more then one occasion when Matthew was very young dad brought me diapers and milk to help me take care of my baby. He drove me to the Toronto airport a few times. Dad was the man I called when I popped my tire on my car and needed to go and get a new one. He was always there to help me out.
In 2003, I drove dad to London several times for his cancer treatments. We cherished the hour long drive each way as we talked non-stop for the two hours we spent in the car. It was a priviledge to be there for him then and to listen to him talk about his troubles. We were there for each other. I thought we would lose him over three yrs ago when the cancer treatments ravaged his body. That’s when I started telling him every time I talked to him, whether on the phone or in person, “I love you dad”.
Even when dad was suffering himself he would go out of his way to show me and others that he loved us. I was pregnant with my second child in 2003, and I didn’t think he would live to meet my baby. Not only did he live to meet Nathan but he came to see us at the hospital. I was overjoyed when he got to share in the joy of the birth of his fouth grandchild. At the time, I was suffering from severe depression when I made the most difficult decision I am sure I will ever make in my life. I decided to place my newborn baby for adoption. Nathan’s adoption is an open adoption, meaning I have an ongoing relationship with Nathan and his parents. I chose his parents and when I was only 5 months pregnant, I went out to dinner with them, my son Matthew and my dad. Dad spent about three hours talking to the couple I had selected to become my baby’s parents and he was pleased with my choice. Dad was a good judge of character and he told me Nathan would do well with Paula and George as his parents. Dad completely understood my decision and supported me through the most difficult time in my life. Over the ten months following Nathan’s birth, I cried on my dad’s shoulder on a regular basis. I repeatedly expressed my grief to my dad and he was there to hug me and hold my hand.
Dad has seen Nathan a number of times and he always beamed, like he did when he held any of his grandchildren, when he got to hold Nathan. Each year I throw a birthday party for Nathan. Dad not only attended the first two but he was happy to cook lunch for all the party goers. If you have ever tasted my dad’s cooking or if you know of his passion for cooking then you will understand why I asked him to cook the meal. Both years he made his famous stuffed peppers. Nathan’s adoptive mom is Hungarian and I was telling her about dad’s amazing stuffed peppers. She said her mom is Hungarian and Hungarians make the best stuffed peppers. I told her that she would change he mind about that once she tasted my dad’s stuffed peppers. After Nathan’s first birthday party, she agreed that there was no competing, dad made the best stuffed peppers. Nathan’s third birthday party is tomorrow. Dad was supposed to be there. Sadly he will be greatly missed at that party as he will be in the rest of my life.
In recent years there were two things that dad really wanted. He wanted to know that his children were going to be okay. He wanted to see Dan living on his own and doing well. About a year and a half ago Danny moved out of mom and dad’s house and dad was able to see that Danny is doing well. He talked for years about his dream to see my sister Tanya get married. In May that dream came true. It was one of the happiest days of dad’s life.
There is noone who has had a bigger impact on my life than my dad. He was the one person who was consistently there for me. It’s hard to believe that he won’t be anymore. I want to say, one last time, while he's still here, while his body is still here with us, “I love you dad”.
I was going to share a bit with you about dad's passions. However Tanya (my sister) beat me to the punch. So I will share a bit with you about my dad's love for his family. First, I’d like to share a short poem with you.
Love Lives On
Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on,
and cherished memories never fade
because a loved one's gone.
Those we love can never be
more than a thought apart,
for as long as there is memory,
they'll live on in the heart.
If we have any country music fans here, you may know the Brad Paisley song, “He Didn’t Have to Be”. It’s a song from a little boys perspective about his wonderful step-father. The song says, “When a single mom goes out on a date with somebody new it always ends up being more like a job interview. My mom used to wonder if she would ever met someone who wouldn't find out about me and turn around and run”. Being a single mom myself for the past 18 years I understand how special a young man in his 20’s is who will date a woman with three young children. When dad started dating my mom, she had three children, Johnny was 8 yrs old, I had just turned 5 and my brother Ken was only 8 months old. Dad not only didn’t turn around and run but he stepped up to the plate and became my daddy. He instantly became the father of three children.
I always thought of my dad any time I heard that song, "He Didn't Have to Be". Since the first time I ever heard that song, I wanted my dad to hear it. Last summer I finally played it for him when I went to visit him. He was in the backyard with his dogs and I told him he had to come to my car so that I could play him this special song. He came and leaned in my car window while listening to the song. I told him what that song meant to me. We hugged each other and he said, "That's a nice song" and then he went back to his dogs.
Dad urned to have more children. After being an amazing father to John, Ken and I for 4-5 yrs he was thrilled when his precious daughter, Tanya, was born. She become his little princess. I recall a time when Tanya was about four years old when she and dad were dancing around the kitchen. Well as much as dad could dance, you know that straight-legged dance, with Tanya standing on his feet. I remember them dancing around the kitchen like that and laughing and smiling. Dad wanted a son who would carry on the Nikolica name. He was proud as a peacock when my brother Dan was born.
Dad was always there for me, no matter what I needed. He was always the first person that I thought to call when I needed help with anything. I had my first son, Matthew, when I was still a high school student. When he wasn’t at work dad volunteered to babysit Matthew for me when needed. On more then one occasion when Matthew was very young dad brought me diapers and milk to help me take care of my baby. He drove me to the Toronto airport a few times. Dad was the man I called when I popped my tire on my car and needed to go and get a new one. He was always there to help me out.
In 2003, I drove dad to London several times for his cancer treatments. We cherished the hour long drive each way as we talked non-stop for the two hours we spent in the car. It was a priviledge to be there for him then and to listen to him talk about his troubles. We were there for each other. I thought we would lose him over three yrs ago when the cancer treatments ravaged his body. That’s when I started telling him every time I talked to him, whether on the phone or in person, “I love you dad”.
Even when dad was suffering himself he would go out of his way to show me and others that he loved us. I was pregnant with my second child in 2003, and I didn’t think he would live to meet my baby. Not only did he live to meet Nathan but he came to see us at the hospital. I was overjoyed when he got to share in the joy of the birth of his fouth grandchild. At the time, I was suffering from severe depression when I made the most difficult decision I am sure I will ever make in my life. I decided to place my newborn baby for adoption. Nathan’s adoption is an open adoption, meaning I have an ongoing relationship with Nathan and his parents. I chose his parents and when I was only 5 months pregnant, I went out to dinner with them, my son Matthew and my dad. Dad spent about three hours talking to the couple I had selected to become my baby’s parents and he was pleased with my choice. Dad was a good judge of character and he told me Nathan would do well with Paula and George as his parents. Dad completely understood my decision and supported me through the most difficult time in my life. Over the ten months following Nathan’s birth, I cried on my dad’s shoulder on a regular basis. I repeatedly expressed my grief to my dad and he was there to hug me and hold my hand.
Dad has seen Nathan a number of times and he always beamed, like he did when he held any of his grandchildren, when he got to hold Nathan. Each year I throw a birthday party for Nathan. Dad not only attended the first two but he was happy to cook lunch for all the party goers. If you have ever tasted my dad’s cooking or if you know of his passion for cooking then you will understand why I asked him to cook the meal. Both years he made his famous stuffed peppers. Nathan’s adoptive mom is Hungarian and I was telling her about dad’s amazing stuffed peppers. She said her mom is Hungarian and Hungarians make the best stuffed peppers. I told her that she would change he mind about that once she tasted my dad’s stuffed peppers. After Nathan’s first birthday party, she agreed that there was no competing, dad made the best stuffed peppers. Nathan’s third birthday party is tomorrow. Dad was supposed to be there. Sadly he will be greatly missed at that party as he will be in the rest of my life.
In recent years there were two things that dad really wanted. He wanted to know that his children were going to be okay. He wanted to see Dan living on his own and doing well. About a year and a half ago Danny moved out of mom and dad’s house and dad was able to see that Danny is doing well. He talked for years about his dream to see my sister Tanya get married. In May that dream came true. It was one of the happiest days of dad’s life.
There is noone who has had a bigger impact on my life than my dad. He was the one person who was consistently there for me. It’s hard to believe that he won’t be anymore. I want to say, one last time, while he's still here, while his body is still here with us, “I love you dad”.
